Anita Ojeda Could a simple do-over request change your marriage and make you a better spouse? I think so. Here’s why.
Could This Conversation Turn Out Differently?
“Arrgh!” I growled. “I didn’t bring this up to pick a fight.”
Somehow, a simple question had turned into a silly argument, and neither Pedro nor I felt good about it.
“Could we just have a do-over?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” he asked. “Do you want to have this argument all over again?”
“No. I mean, could we just pretend this conversation never happened and start over again. We’ll clear our minds of our preconceived ideas of the conversational intent, and just start over again.”
“O-kaaaay.” He drew the word out, unsure if a do-over could actually work.
“We’ve already ruffled each other’s feathers,” I acknowledged. “But let’s just try it anyway.”
He nodded his assent.
“I see you found the part you were looking for to repair your truck,” I said.
“I found a great deal on it,” he replied.
The conversation felt awkward at first but progressed nicely after that.
Sometimes, after decades of marriage, we think we know what our partner thinks before they can even think it. We don’t realize we could be wrong.
My comment about his truck part didn’t have any hidden meaning about our budget or spending money on vehicles.
The Do-Over Could Save Your Marriage
I learned about the mighty power of the do-over with my kids years ago, but for some reason I never thought to use it in my marital relationship.
A do-over offers the one thing all marriages need, though, grace. If we could just set aside our suppositions and patterns, we may discover to really listen. When conversations don’t start off well, asking for a do-over (or a mulligan, if your spouse loves to golf) acts as a grace note to get the conversation back on track.
Maybe I’m the only one who ends up in the conversational weeds with my spouse. Whatever the case, my new couple’s goal is to ask for do-overs and accept mulligan requests from my spouse with grace.
What about you? Have you ever called for a do-over or a mulligan in your marriage?
