I Confess (and I Hope I’m Not the Only One)
Around me, young people jumped to their feet as the song leader strummed and a young lady whispered to her companion behind me. I loved that the youth had so much enthusiasm that they voluntarily stood up for the praise song. That started the first tear.
I confess, I get weepy over good praise songs.
The second tear slid down my face as the lyrics worked their way into my soul. Something about walking on water and depending on God to take us deeper than we ever imagined we had the strength to go.
I confess, I love God, but deep scares me.
Pretty soon, my throat closed up so I only mouthed the lyrics as the beautiful voices swelled and echoed throughout the room. I used my scarf to wipe the rivers off my cheeks. I hoped no one would notice my private waterfall (especially Pedro—but I think he’s used to me crying during song service by now).
I confess, I feel as if God wants something from me, but I don’t want to accept what it might be.
The moment seemed suspended in time, the voices crashing around me, my tears mixing with the waves of meaning in each word of the song. Maybe I understand a little better what Peter felt like when he stepped out of the boat.
I confess, I used to look with disdain on Peter because he wanted to walk on water.
I thought he wanted to show off—to Jesus, to the other disciples. He’d followed Jesus all over, given up a lucrative fishing business, channeled his political passions into this one unassuming yet powerful man from Nazareth. Maybe he just wanted Jesus to show up in a big way. ‘“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said.” I thought about that scene differently now.
I confess, I don’t want to accept help from God.
It seems wrong to ask for too much, to challenge God in a big way to show up and work in my life. I figure he made me pretty self-sufficient so that I don’t bother him too often. But maybe I don’t want enough. Maybe I want the wrong things.
I confess, I worry that if I accept help from God, he might ask me to do something big.I confess that I enjoy my comfortable life and I don't want to rock the boat. Click To Tweet
But how can I not, when he has already done something so big for me? And so i bow my head, willing to ask and accept help from the one who freely gives it. I want to abandon myself to the wind and the waves —and the one who wants to help me.