Do we really need to speak well of our children? It seems like a no-brainer, but unless we make a concerted effort, we may fall into the habit of disparaging our kids. #parenting #gentleparenting #raisinggoodhumans #relationships #momlife #teacher #educator #doover

Do we really need to speak well of our children? It seems like a no-brainer, but unless we make a concerted effort, we may fall into the habit of disparaging our kids.

The Opposite of Speaking Well of Our Children

Brat. Unruly. Terrible twos. Shy. Selfish. Timid. Disorganized. Struggling. Unmotivated. Dishonest. Liar. Flighty. Troubled. What would happen if the key people in your life thought these things about YOU?

Years ago, when I first started teaching, I learned the value of speaking (and thinking) well of my students. If I thought my class would act in an unruly, irresponsible way, they would. But if I treated them with respect, thought positive things about them, and spent time encouraging them, they would act differently.

Think about the people you enjoy spending time around. Do they whine and complain about others in your presence? Or do they talk positively about others? Does spending time in their presence inspire confidence?

Now think about the people in your life who drain your batteries. How do they talk about their kids, co-workers, or spouse? How do their words shade your perception of the ones they talk disparagingly about?

When we speak well of our children (and other people in our lives) it has long-lasting effects. Not just for the ones spoken about, but for ourselves and the others who hear our words.

When you speak well of your children, you aren’t necessarily bragging. Sometimes, the two might overlap. What proud parent doesn’t like to post good news on social media? But learning to speak well of your children goes so much deeper. And has consequences you may never have considered.

If you haven’t formed a habit of speaking well of your children, you can start today!

Had you heard of the Pygmalion Effect before today? What do you think of Barbara Coloroso’s advice about praise?

Show Notes

Have you ever tried a do-over with your kids? Here’s how they’ve worked for me.

Barbara Coloroso has some great advice on parenting and empowering your children.

Do we really need to speak well of our children? It seems like a no-brainer, but unless we make a concerted effort, we may fall into the habit of disparaging our kids. #parenting #gentleparenting #raisinggoodhumans #relationships #momlife #teacher #educator #doover
Does it matter what you say about your kids? #parenting #selfcare Click To Tweet

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12 Comments

  1. If they hear us speaking bad of them and others, then we are teaching them to do the same. We want to speak well of our kids all the time, both to their face and to others. Mom would say nice things about us in public (we would look at each other, wonder who she was talking about, and then realize she was talking about us), but we didn’t always hear those words at home.

  2. As a retired elementary teacher, I totally agree with you about how our words towards the children, our looks, behaviors and out prayers and thoughts make a huge difference…not always…but most always. A powerful and great reminder to us all, Anita.
    ~ linda recently posted…Just Enough!My Profile

  3. I haven’t listened to the podcast yet, but this is a vital point. My father, unfortunately, used to belittle when he disciplined. I suppose he learned that from one of his parents. It took me years to get over what was said and how. Some kids rebel and act out to such words and tones–some shrink inside ourselves. I am thankful for God’s grace and healing.
    Barbara Harper recently posted…Ways to Disagree Without Tearing Each Other DownMy Profile

  4. Anita, this is such wise advice. I’ve been good about only speaking well of my husband to others. About my kids? I’m hanging my head because I haven’t always preserved their honor and spoken well of them. I’m better than I used to be. But you are right, when we think well of our kids, hubbies, and other people in our lives, we will feel more positively toward them, and our hearts are open to see them through God’s eyes . . . even when they may be “being difficult.”

  5. Thanks for this great reminder! It seems that any time I ask people how their kids are doing they tell me ‘how much work they are’. There always seems to be this focus on the negative.
    This year my husband and I are working hard to praise the efforts of our kids so that they know we see them showing up in their lives. We are being intentional about the words we use when we speak to them. We want them to know that we are proud of how hardworking they are and that they don’t just have to be naturally good at everything.
    Cassandra recently posted…Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude (And Your Attitude is A Choice)My Profile

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Anita Ojeda

Anita Ojeda juggles writing with teaching high school English and history. When she's not lurking in odd places looking for rare birds, you can find her camping with her kids, adventuring with her husband or mountain biking with her students.

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