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Do we really need to speak well of our children? It seems like a no-brainer, but unless we make a concerted effort, we may fall into the habit of disparaging our kids.
The Opposite of Speaking Well of Our Children
Brat. Unruly. Terrible twos. Shy. Selfish. Timid. Disorganized. Struggling. Unmotivated. Dishonest. Liar. Flighty. Troubled. What would happen if the key people in your life thought these things about YOU?
Years ago, when I first started teaching, I learned the value of speaking (and thinking) well of my students. If I thought my class would act in an unruly, irresponsible way, they would. But if I treated them with respect, thought positive things about them, and spent time encouraging them, they would act differently.
Think about the people you enjoy spending time around. Do they whine and complain about others in your presence? Or do they talk positively about others? Does spending time in their presence inspire confidence?
Now think about the people in your life who drain your batteries. How do they talk about their kids, co-workers, or spouse? How do their words shade your perception of the ones they talk disparagingly about?
When we speak well of our children (and other people in our lives) it has long-lasting effects. Not just for the ones spoken about, but for ourselves and the others who hear our words.
When you speak well of your children, you aren’t necessarily bragging. Sometimes, the two might overlap. What proud parent doesn’t like to post good news on social media? But learning to speak well of your children goes so much deeper. And has consequences you may never have considered.
If you haven’t formed a habit of speaking well of your children, you can start today!
Had you heard of the Pygmalion Effect before today? What do you think of Barbara Coloroso’s advice about praise?
Show Notes
Have you ever tried a do-over with your kids? Here’s how they’ve worked for me.
Barbara Coloroso has some great advice on parenting and empowering your children.
Come Back Next Week
Do you need to see a therapist? How do you know? Find out in next week’s podcast.
I definitely do better than I used to. My kids are among my favorite people now, so it’s easy to speak well of them.
Michele+Morin recently posted…3 Reasons to Embrace the Precious Pitfalls of Family Discipleship
It’s not an easy habit to form—especially if we’re accustomed to not speaking well of co-workers, acquaintances, and the person who cut us off in traffic.
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I agree Anita! We need to be the greatest cheer leaders for our children including how we relay that to others.
Blessings,
Jennifer
Tea With Jennifer recently posted…It’s the best way to overcome troubles!
It’s amazing how speaking well of others (building them up) makes it more difficult to tear them down.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Can You Find Joy in One Trial After Another?
I’m glad that society as a whole is learning more and more the value of our words to children. (Well, and to adults!)
Lisa notes recently posted…Find Your Mantra {28 Daily Mantras}…Table of Contents
Ooof, Anita, this one hit home! I have struggled with this at times and certainly can work on it more. Thank you for he valuable reminder!
Shelbee
If they hear us speaking bad of them and others, then we are teaching them to do the same. We want to speak well of our kids all the time, both to their face and to others. Mom would say nice things about us in public (we would look at each other, wonder who she was talking about, and then realize she was talking about us), but we didn’t always hear those words at home.
As a retired elementary teacher, I totally agree with you about how our words towards the children, our looks, behaviors and out prayers and thoughts make a huge difference…not always…but most always. A powerful and great reminder to us all, Anita.
~ linda recently posted…Just Enough!
This is so good. It really made me stop and think about where I can do better with my teen. Thank you.
I haven’t listened to the podcast yet, but this is a vital point. My father, unfortunately, used to belittle when he disciplined. I suppose he learned that from one of his parents. It took me years to get over what was said and how. Some kids rebel and act out to such words and tones–some shrink inside ourselves. I am thankful for God’s grace and healing.
Barbara Harper recently posted…Ways to Disagree Without Tearing Each Other Down
Anita, this is such wise advice. I’ve been good about only speaking well of my husband to others. About my kids? I’m hanging my head because I haven’t always preserved their honor and spoken well of them. I’m better than I used to be. But you are right, when we think well of our kids, hubbies, and other people in our lives, we will feel more positively toward them, and our hearts are open to see them through God’s eyes . . . even when they may be “being difficult.”
Thanks for this great reminder! It seems that any time I ask people how their kids are doing they tell me ‘how much work they are’. There always seems to be this focus on the negative.
This year my husband and I are working hard to praise the efforts of our kids so that they know we see them showing up in their lives. We are being intentional about the words we use when we speak to them. We want them to know that we are proud of how hardworking they are and that they don’t just have to be naturally good at everything.
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