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Do you need to see a pastor or a therapist? It depends on what you want to accomplish. Don’t confuse the two, and you’ll be happier with your decision.
Which Should You See if You Have a Problem? A Pastor or a Therapist?
Although no one ever said, “You shouldn’t go see a therapist,” I didn’t know a single person growing up who had seen a therapist, psychiatrist, or even psychologist. If people had marital problems, they went to see their pastor. No one talked about depression, anxiety, or rapid mood swings. If anyone even hinted at having a problem, the hearers would give them a condescending pat and promise to pray for them.
I remember our next-door neighbor (a pastor’s wife) announcing she had returned to school to get her counseling degree. Pedro fell ill with cancer that same year, and she offered to talk to our girls as our family went through the emotional turmoil a cancer diagnosis can produce. I smiled and thanked her, thinking little of her offer. After all, what could a counselor do about cancer?
It turns out, an awful lot. It took another five years for me to realize I should have not only taken her up on her offer but actively pursued counseling for each family member during Pedro’s traumatic journey.
Therapists help people solve problems and give them tools to start solving problems on their own. If they think a client needs more help, a good therapist will refer a client to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists can pinpoint mental health disorders that may only respond to a combination of medication and therapy.
A good pastor will refer members of his flock to professionals, too. Sadly, though, not all pastors understand the scope and consequences of mental health problems. Pastors might view mental health issues as spiritual weakness. The devil probably rubs his hands in glee when that lie gets preached from the pulpit.
Show Notes
Today’s podcast will help you understand who you need to see, a pastor or a therapist, and explain the importance of making the right choice.
Psychology Today offers a free tool to help you find a therapist. You can search using location, gender, issue, and even faith (if that’s important to you).
Self-Help books I’ve found useful.
Come Back Next Week
Next week’s podcast will give you suggestions for what to do when someone discloses a mental health problem to you.
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Likely most of us need BOTH! I have heard a similar conversation about spiritual directors versus therapists. Interesting…
Michele+Morin recently posted…Hunger Is an Effective Teacher (And 6 Cheap and Easy Meal Plans with Recipes for Your Family)
I have only heard the phrase spiritual director recently, and it’s kind of bothered me. Probably because I believe we should seek God on our own and not need an intermediary. I may be reading more into the term than is intended, though!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why These Baby Sea Otter Facts Might Surprise You
Well said Anita, sadly too many non Clinical professionals (not only Pastors) take on those who truly need professional Clinical Counseling & do far more harm then good to already hurting people.
Sadly, as a Clinical Therapist I saw this far too many times.
Blessings,
Jennifer
We all want to be experts without the thousands of hours of expertise (education and supervised practice), don’t we? And not just in the area of counseling! Think about the astonishing number of COVID experts out there now 😆.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why Tattered Wings Don’t Determine Your Value as a Person
Anita, this is another great post. I remember when I was younger, my mother always went to our pastor for all sorts of life counseling including when my father was diagnosed with cancer. I think that was probably the first time that actual counseling came onto our radar. My father’s oncologist suggested it and that is where it all began. I have found extraordinary benefit in counseling for myself and my family for many sorts of things from my child losing a friend in a house fire at the age of 7 to my own bipolar treatments. I applaud you for always writing on such important topics! This part made me chuckle…”Pastors might view mental health issues as spiritual weakness. The devil probably rubs his hands in glee when that lie gets preached from the pulpit.” I have always had a major issue with that perspective! Thank you for debunking it with humor!
Shelbee
I’m so glad your mom had a balanced view of our need for mental health services! You were fortunate, indeed!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…These New RomCom Releases Will Keep You in Stitches and Make You Think
Well said, Anita, and so needed. I retired after nearly 25 years as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor who had practiced within Christian private practice and found too many were misinformed about what good things can be found within those who practice this profession. It is very true that too many pastors and sometimes “spiritual directors” are involved in far more complex and difficult situations than they realize or should be trying to muddle through despite their good intentions. Few are aware of the liability and risks they are taking. Thanks for raising this conversation and topic!
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Although attitudes have improved in the past decade, we have a long ways to go before people will think of mental health as something matter-of-fact or routine. The may we talk about it, the sooner it will happen!
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This is a good conversation to have. I’m of the opinion that both are needed. My husband suffers from bipolar disorder and needed both his pastor, a psychiatrist and a counselor.
Jerralea+Winn+Miller recently posted…Keeping Your Focus in the Midst of Ease
I wouldn’t take my Prius to a tractor mechanic to get worked on–it’s the same thing with us. we need to identify our need and then find the right person to help!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why These Baby Sea Otter Facts Might Surprise You
Thanks, Anita! This is an important subject to tackle. It’s really important for people to get the right help.
Exactly. The more we talk about it, the easier it will be for people to acknowledge they need help without shame.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why Tattered Wings Don’t Determine Your Value as a Person
You are right when you say that a good therapist gives or teaches you tools to help you solve your own problems. Some of them are so simple, but because we don’t learn these tools growing up, we then don’t have them. A good therapist is like a parent, they are both trying to work themselves out of a job.
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Great analogy! As a teacher, I try to work myself out a job, too ;). When a student learns a skill, they get to share their knowledge with other students–it solidifies the skill in their mind and saves me running around the classroom quite so much!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…These New RomCom Releases Will Keep You in Stitches and Make You Think
This post reminds me of a conversation I had with a Christian man who happened to be a therapist. He also plants churches and advises pastors. His advice to pastors when it comes to counseling is to send the individual or family to therapy if they have been seen more than three times because much of what people need is beyond the scope of pastoral counseling.
In another conversation with a pastor, he says his church has a group of therapists on retainer for members of their church and the church pays for the first four sessions to encourage them to get the help they need. I gave him a high five because I don’t know any church committed to mental health in that way.
Because of the poor counsel, I have received from churches and my vast knowledge on the benefits of therapy, I no longer bother with pastoral counseling.
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What a wise pastor! That’s great rule-of-thumb to go by, too.
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What insightful information.
Thanks for stopping by!
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An important post, Anita, especially for those who may be told they just need to pray more and be more faithful to God, and then God will heal them. Yes, God heals, but He brings tools into our human experience such as professional counsellors to help us.
Exactly! Prayer is a tool—so is therapy!
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Hi Anita,
I think people need both pastoral care and therapy at some point in their lives. I certainly have.
At this moment, I’m waiting for a call from my mother-in-law. We suspect a cancer diagnosis. It’s strange how God works sometimes.
Blessings,
Tammy
I agree! Both have their place. I’m so sorry about the looming diagnosis. May the Holy Spirit bring your family clarity and peace.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…These New RomCom Releases Will Keep You in Stitches and Make You Think
Once I read a book by one therapist that was very ethereal and New Age-y. Then I read another by someone who was immensely practical. The latter appeals to me much more, and I thought that if I ever needed one, I’d like to find that kind. But I have wondered how you can find out personality or style or perspective from a prospective counselor–I guess recommendations or reviews or finding some of their writing.
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That’s a great question, Barbara! Some therapists have a survey form you fill out before you start counseling (which gives you a good idea of their methods and personality). You could always form a set of questions and ask to briefly interview a counselor before you start services.
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I am glad that more people are recognizing that sometimes a person really does need a therapist. I think people are realizing that mental illness is really a thing. I’m glad you are tackling this subject and offering help in these areas, Anita! Blessings to you!
Oh, I tried to comment on the one before me but you can’t comment unless you’re a member of the website, so I guess I’ll go to the one before that.
The more we talk about mental health, the easier it becomes to recognize when we need help! No worries about the site—I understand.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…How Can Something So Ugly Produce Such a Beautiful Flower?
Anita, this is such a helpful post. Yes, there are times when a pastor is the best fit for a person. And, there are times when a different professional can be very effective. Our family has benefited from seeing counselors from time to time.
It’s good to take the time to figure out which we need!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…How Does One Fulfill the Mandate to Bear One Another’s Burdens?