Anita Ojeda 
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Ever wondered about the best way to deal with pent-up anger? I used to think a punching bag was the answer. Now I know better.
How Do You Deal With Pent-up Anger?
“What’s that for?” I asked the girls’ dean, pointing to a punching bag hanging in the corner of the basement.
“I send girls down here to take out their frustrations,” she said. “Someone said kids need an outlet for their anger and a punching bag would help.”
“Huh,” I replied. “I’ve never tried that before. I wonder if it really works.”
She shrugged. “It’s worth a try.”
I never did think to follow up on the punching bag scheme, and I couldn’t tell if the girls seemed less frustrated or not. But since people seemed to think it worked, maybe it did.
Someone finally did a scientific study, and the results surprised me.
We’ve all dealt with pent-up anger at some point in our lives. Some of us thought we had to ignore it because Christians don’t get angry (hah!). Others may stuff it and bottle it. Still others may brood. Whatever our preferred method of dealing with anger, we may not know one of the healthiest ways to deal with pent-up anger involves self-awareness and taking a hike (or a walk or a run).
I’ll share eight steps to dealing with pent-up anger in a healthy way in today’s podcast. Listen in and tell me if you’ve ever tried these methods.
If your anger goes beyond pent-up and borders on Mount Vesuvius or boils over to hurt those around you, seek a licensed therapist.
Show Notes
You can find more on the study mentioned in the podcast here.
Come Back Next Week
Next week I’ll talk about a word you might consider erasing from your vocabulary.
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Anita,
Thanks for the helpful hacks in dealing with anger. I do find that anger often mask a deeper emotion like sadness or fear. I’ve learned some about EMDR therapy and find it fascinating how visual tracking while thinking of a memory or experience can difuse its power in the active/short term memory. Amazing thing — our brain.
Blessings,
Bev xx
We are fearfully and wonderfully made, that’s for sure! And you’re right, anger often masks other emotions.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…You Won’t Want to Miss Shadows in the Mind’s Eye!
Oh, my goodness! I agree that they should make counseling a part of cancer treatment!
Lisa Blair recently posted…6 Spring Bible Verses on God’s Provision
Right?! For both the patient and the family!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why Did I Have to Wait 20 Painful Years for a Diagnosis?
If I look underneath my anger, I can almost always find other emotions at the root. Dealing with those first can help me deal with the anger. Thanks, Anita!
Lisa notes recently posted…Share Four Somethings—March 2022 —Grace & Truth Linkup
This is helpful, Lisa, and sounds like a good filter for wise parenting, too!
Michele+Morin recently posted…Fear Bravely as You Are Strengthened with the Courage to Love
Thank you for stopping by, Lisa! It took me years to look under the anger.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…You Won’t Want to Miss Shadows in the Mind’s Eye!
Yes a punching bag is a great tool for venting frustration in a controlled format, especially in adolescents.
However, there’s always a deeper issue at hand if anger & particularly rage has become problematic at any age.
A good licensed/registered Counselor can help, as you have mentioned above Anita.
Blessings,
Jennifer
We all need to make sure and teach emotional intelligence to our children and grandchildren (and brush up on our EQ skills, too!)
Anita Ojeda recently posted…You Won’t Want to Miss Shadows in the Mind’s Eye!
Great hacks, Anita. I recently read a quote about how we often get angry because we think something is unfair. This could be something done to us, how we are perceived, or how life is unfolding, I have been paying attention to when I get angry and so far it is pretty true. Definitely, not dealing with my anger is not a good strategy. Thinking about it and asking questions and trying to decide why I am angry really help me identify the reasons and then take steps to release it. So interesting about EMDR imitating walking and running. I do know I am able to process things when walking and even process something with someone else when walking.
Pedro and I have the best conversations when we’re out walking. How interesting about fairness and anger. I’ll have to start paying attention to what make some angry!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…You Won’t Want to Miss Shadows in the Mind’s Eye!
I always find some kind of physical exertion or meditative practice helps me to process anger. I have been trying to teach my children healthy ways of coping with anger as well. The punching bag is a great idea! I used to make my kids jump on a trampoline if I was unable to deescalate their anger. But plopping them in a relaxing warm bath has also helped to calm anger. But you are right, it all requires a certain level of introspection and not everyone has that especially children…they need to be taught that as well.
Shelbee
Your children are fortunate that you value emotional intelligence and are helping them understand all of their emotions!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…You Won’t Want to Miss Shadows in the Mind’s Eye!
Hi Anita, thank you for exploring anger! When I get angry, I go for a walk – I walk it out while talking it out and praying. If I don’t do this the anger comes out in words – that often has nothing to do with what I am angry at – I am praying on slow to anger….
Walking helps me a lot, too! As does journaling. I’ve learned the importance of giving myself a time-out for one of these activities as I feel anger building within me.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…You Won’t Want to Miss Shadows in the Mind’s Eye!
Pent up anger can be a tough thing, because the harder we try to hold it in, the closer we get to an explosion.
For me I have to decide in the moment if I need to walk away, let it go or give it to God. Sometimes all three are required.
Barb Hegreberg recently posted…Receive the Holy Spirit — Christian Mommas
Such truth about pent-up anger! And how often do we fail to understand this truth?
Anita Ojeda recently posted…You Won’t Want to Miss Shadows in the Mind’s Eye!
Having strategies in our back pocket is so smart. Helps us be more proactive instead of reactive.
Lauren Renee Sparks recently posted…Radiance: Moses, a Groom and Joy
Proactive is such a powerful word and action! The older I get, the more I understand the importance of being proactive instead of reactive.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…You Won’t Want to Miss Shadows in the Mind’s Eye!
It’s interesting that for years we were told it was healthy to express anger, but now they say expressing it or taking it out on something perpetuates it. I usually keep anger bottled in, but when I have expressed it (usually when no one else is around), I really don’t feel better at all. But keeping it bottled isn’t healthy, either. I try to give the situation to God and then turn my thoughts to something else, especially when the situation is something I can’t do anything about. Interesting about the eye movement.
Barbara Harper recently posted…From a Weight of Care to a Weight of Glory.
Right? Experts always seem to change their minds ;). I think journaling or walking both help me because I can spend time getting to the root of why I’m angry. And then decide what to do about it.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…You Won’t Want to Miss Shadows in the Mind’s Eye!
We bought a punching bag for our teenagers when they were growing up. I think the intense sports exercise had the greatest impact, though, on de-stressing physically and emotionally (I cannot tell you the times I took lions to a sports practice and came home with a lamb). You are so very right – that we need to take care of the source of our anger. I’ve usually found that when I’m angry 90% of it is my issue – 10% is the trigger. Getting to the root of the anger does take gentleness – just like in planting, replanting, removal – sucking it up and being tough doesn’t get rid of the root issue. Thank you for this today – the gentleness woven in is so very needed for this issue! I wish I’d known long ago.
I love your lions to lambs experience! It’s that figuring out the 90% that takes practice, isn’t it? And sometimes, it’s shocking to realize, “Oh, I’m not mad at my kids, I’m mad because I feel—-”
Anita Ojeda recently posted…You Won’t Want to Miss Shadows in the Mind’s Eye!
Thank you for sharing this great article. I get nauseous if I hold anger in it has overtaken me a time or two. I’m better at throwing it away now.
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