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Who would have thought you could feel better if you rethink one little word? I challenge you to ditch should from your life. Let me know how it turns out!
Why You Might Want to Ditch Should
I confess I may be a little bossy. Ok. I have overwhelming bossy tendencies. For the most part, I limit my bossiness to myself. After all, as the second of four children, I had an older sister who did her fair share of bossing me around, and I didn’t always appreciate it. (Love you, Sis!)
I love information and sharing it with people, and I sometimes research the best way to do things. With all that knowledge rolling around in my head, it only makes sense that it would spill out in bossy language. But I didn’t realize until five years ago that I needed to ditch should, my go-to bossy word.
I didn’t even realize just how bossy (both to others and myself) using should sounds. After all, the word has helped me get things done. It urges me to make lists, check things off, set goals, accomplish them, and make positive changes in my life. But should has a darker side. According to Dr. David D. Burns in his book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, we should ditch should from our vocabulary because it makes us feel apathetic and unmotivated. Especially if we already struggle with mood disorders.
I don’t advocate you ditch should for good since it has its uses (especially if you don’t what to sound archaic). But you may want to consider (see what I did there?) thinking about how you use the word and how hearing it may impact the people you love. Listen to today’s podcast and let me know which hack you’ll start with as you journey to ditch should from your life!
Show Notes
Come Back Next Week
I’m so excited about next week’s podcast when I interview Janyre Tromp about her upcoming release of Shadows in the Mind’s Eye. Janyre’s moving novel incorporates all she’s learned about PTSD and the importance of self-care in our journey to healing.
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I like the sound of this, Anita. It works well with my theme for RELEASE in April to *try* to release unrealistic expectations and guilt. I rope myself into a lot of guilt by my *shoulds*. I’ll check into that book, too. Thanks.
Lisa notes recently posted…Learn to Set Better Expectations —Grace & Truth Linkup
It’s amazing how we can extend kindness to others and fail to extend it to ourselves.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…What Can Courageous Christians Learn from Jesus and Coffee?
Ah the ‘should’ word Anita! I had to erase this word from my working vocabulary when I became a Counsellor.
But alas I didn’t erase it from my personal narrative to myself!
Great challenge my friend.
Bless you,
Jennifer
Tea With Jennifer recently posted…God is working in the Ukraine!
It’s funny how we can do things for professional reasons but fail to make the connection in our personal lives.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why This Thrilling Book Will Make You Question Your Beliefs about Ghosts
What a wonderful idea!
Now I just need to figure out how to incorporate it with ENCOURAGEMENT!
Barb Hegreberg recently posted…March 2022 Love Notes etc.
I feel like the word ENCOURAGEMENT never includes the word ‘should’–otherwise, it’s bossy.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why This Thrilling Book Will Make You Question Your Beliefs about Ghosts
I dropped the word should and replaced it with need. Thanks for the book recommendation.
Lisa Blair recently posted…Share Four Somethings March 2022
That’s a great alternative when speaking to one’s self!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why This Thrilling Book Will Make You Question Your Beliefs about Ghosts
More proof of the power of words! Those subtle little nuances in the way we speak really do carry huge impacts. I like this idea of ditching “should” in favor of a more motivating and positive word. My one little language change that has made a huge improvement in my mental health is saying “I have Bipolar Disorder” instead of “I am Bipolar.” I am NOT my illness, my illness is merely something I have…and that tiny little change makes a world of difference! Thanks for another insightful post, my friend!
Shelbee
Exactly! I HAVE lupus and Hashimoto’s, I am NOT those things!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why This Thrilling Book Will Make You Question Your Beliefs about Ghosts
I have bossy tendencies, myself–toward myself, as you say, and sometimes toward others. I’m better at keeping the “shoulds” to myself, but I’m know they come through in my attitude. I’m great with a sincere and gentle “You may want to consider” when it comes to critiquing a rough draft of a paper, but outside of that, I need a heart check–for myself and others. Thanks for the nudge!
Right?! It’s so much easier to be kind as an English teacher than it is to be kind to ourselves or the ones we love the most.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why This Thrilling Book Will Make You Question Your Beliefs about Ghosts
Should can be a real slave driver!
Michele+Morin recently posted…What If the Key to Rest Is Ordinary, Down to Earth Faith?
Right?!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…What Can Courageous Christians Learn from Jesus and Coffee?
So important – I need to keep an eye on this! I like “But you may want to consider (see what I did there?) thinking about how you use the word and how hearing it may impact the people you love. “
It’s easy to overlook the ways we boss ourselves and others around.
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why This Thrilling Book Will Make You Question Your Beliefs about Ghosts
Love this idea. In a similar vain I have tried to stop saying “I have to…” and start saying, “I get to…”. A little attitude shift.
Lauren Renee Sparks recently posted…Monthly Muster for March 2022
That’s a great attitude shift! I get to grade student papers this afternoon! I’m feeling better already!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why This Thrilling Book Will Make You Question Your Beliefs about Ghosts
“Should” can definitely be a dangerous word for me. I’ve allowed it to guilt me for not doing things, hold a sense of obligation over me, and yes, I may have even used it to try and motivate our sons (when they were younger) into doing things I thought they should do for one reason or another. I’m learning to not let it get the best of me. 🙂
Yay for the kick the should habit team! I find teens and young adults (and ME) respond much better to have you considered!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Why Did I Have to Wait 20 Painful Years for a Diagnosis?
Great advice. I bristle when someone says “should” or “ought to.” Even when I value their input, I chafe when it’s phrased that way. So I’ve tried to reframe it as “You might want to think about…” or, as you said, “You might want to consider.”
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