Why DID We Have Kids?
“Mom, why did you and Dad have kids?” Sarah asked a few years ago.
“Because we knew that when you guys became adults we’d have two awesome friends.” I quipped.
“But didn’t you tell us that we couldn’t be friends?” Sarah reminded me.
“No. We said we couldn’t be friends until you’re 18 and out of high school.”
“Oh, yeah,” she said.
“Kids need boundaries and mentoring. They don’t need the burden of having an adult treat them like a best friend.”
“True,” she agreed. “But we’re friends now, right?”
“Absolutely!” I assured her. “I consider you one of my best friends. Laura is my other one.”
And it’s true. Laura and Sarah have become awesome friends. We have a shared history of trauma and joy, miracles and madness, and they are the two people I most want to hang out with (other than Pedro).
They have seen me at my worst (and hopefully a few times at my best), and they still love me. A good friend will know everything about you—and still love you anyway.A good #friend knows everything about you and still loves you anyway! Click To Tweet
Of course, the problem with having children who eventually become your friends is that they grow up and move away right about the time you really start to develop the friendship.
Fast-forward a few years to last week. As we sat around the campfire in the desert near Moab, UT, the laughter of our family filled me with a deep sense of satisfaction. Our grandson slept on the bed in our trailer, and the five adults watched the flames dance and sparks pop as conversations swirled and eddied.
Friends for Life
Sarah’s spring break only overlapped two days with ours, and she drove from Washington to Utah to spend one night with us. The next morning she would travel to Tulsa to spend a week with Laura, Louis, and Abel.
We won’t gather together again until Christmas time, when we’ll meet Sarah’s fiancée for the first time.
In the meantime we call, text, and Facetime. We’ll see Laura and her family in the middle of April when we visit them in Tulsa for a long weekend. I’ll see Sarah at the end of April when I attend my 30th reunion at Walla Walla University (I’m still marveling at the fact that I graduated 30 years ago).
Laura and Sarah cheer me on in my creative endeavors (and they’ll even go birding with me). They caution me about movies I probably wouldn’t enjoy, make suggestions about books they think I’ll love, and go on crazy adventures with me. Both girls make me a better person because they keep me from feeling defeated or old.
I don’t have a close friend that lives near me (my definition of a close friend is one who gets my quirky sense of humor and isn’t high-maintenance). But I do have Laura and Sarah. Sure, I’ll always be their mother, but I have the privilege of calling each of them ‘my friend’ now.
Q4U: Do you have a special friendship with a family member? How has that friendship made you a better person?
You’re very blessed. Beautiful that you are able to enjoy such fellowship with your family. I pray you and you loved ones never take each other for granted nor cease to give thanks for the relationships you are able to enjoy.
Thank you, Leigh! Yes, I consider us incredibly blessed!
Anita recently posted…Being Half Vegetarian in a World of Abandonment
I literally just wrote about this last week (in a submitted post) …what a blessing to raise a human with whom you actually want to hang out with when they are grown ups! (AND… that they want to hang out with us… double blessing!) xoxo
~Karrilee~ recently posted…Treasuring the Kindred Heart of a Friend… A Five Minute Friday post
I know! Aren’t we lucky 🙂
Anita recently posted…When it’s OK to Call Your Kids a Friend
The friendship of my two grown boys has been one of the biggest unforeseen blessings of parenting. (Along with grandchildren!)
Michele Morin recently posted…Staying Strong in the Seasons of Life
It’s awesome that they are your friends (it makes building relationships with those grandkids so much easier 😉 ).
Anita recently posted…The Pitfalls of Treadmill Training You’ll Want to Avoid
Anita, I feel the same way about my 4 daughters. And now that my 3 sons are also adults, they are good friends, too. We all enjoy hanging out with each other. It’s great!
Gayl recently posted…Friends Are People Who Love You No Matter What Happens
You are blessed, indeed!
Anita recently posted…Why I Hate the King James Version of the Bible
[…] I’m linking up with: #FiveMinuteFriday, #InspireMeMonday […]
You made me smile because my two grown daughters are two of my very best friends. Thanks for sharing!
Isn’t it fun having best-friend-daughters?!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…What You don’t Know About Breathing Can Really Hurt You
I love this. My daughters know me better than anyone else. And I can’t wait to watch how our friendship grows over the years.
Thanks, Megs! Daughters are amazing, aren’t they?
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Help Me Raise Money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s TNT!
I LOVE everything about this, my dear sweet Mama friend! There’s nothing better than having an amazing mother to call a best friend.
I love YOU!
Anita Ojeda recently posted…What You Need to Do to Avoid Caregiver Burnout
Anita- I’m hopeful my kids will become my good friends when they grow up. My Dad had said growing up, “I will never be your friend, I will be your father.”
As a parent now with a 16-year-old, I’ve often questioned what my Dad said. As my kids grow they need less parenting, but more friendship and a sounding board for what they are going through.
Julie recently posted…Why the Most Broken and Hurt People Need to be at Church
I think you have the right instincts :). We live in a different era from our parents, and by keeping up a barrier of parent-child, we would be denying ourselves the opportunity to have an amazing friend in our child. I also think it’s healthy to step away from the parenting role and move to mentorship, and then friendship. Otherwise, we keep our kids in an unhealthy relationship (ever wonder why some kids never leave home? 😉 ).
Anita Ojeda recently posted…Self-Care for Caregivers Involves Learning How to Breathe
I love this post because I agree. I love our adult kids! And, now? I have an adult granddaughter who is one of my best friends. Grandson is still in the discipline/nurturing season!!!! But he too will become a best friend in about 6 years!
I could be your friend – I am extremely LOW MAINTENANCE.
Susan Shipe recently posted…Getting My Groove On and 2020 Vision
I couldn’t agree more! I lost my Mom right after college, but we were becoming friends. My sister is always there for me. It won’t be long before my own girls are grown and become my best friends. (Not sure how I feel about that. Where is time going?)
Sarah recently posted…Make That Change Now
Loved this Post!
I count my daughters as friends as well. It’s such a blessing to have my grown-up girls be trustworthy and considerate adults with wisdom beyond their years sometimes. Your daughters, and you, are wonderful, so it’s not surprising that you’re all friends! Blessings!
Carol recently posted…What You don’t Know About Breathing Can Really Hurt You
[…] own, and now we have a son-in-love and a grandson. A year or so from now, we’ll acquire another son-in-love and our nest will have none of our own […]
[…] can’t think of anyone I would rather hang out with than our daughters. They know me and they still love me. We share a wacky sense of humor and can talk for […]